Perhaps if I were to make 1 single goal for 2011, it would be to not be so hard on myself. Give myself enough grace to make mistakes, and to not dwell on the past so much. I often let my shortcomings haunt me like ghosts.
Not surprisingly, my feelings of personal guilt go hand in hand with my inability to control all aspects of my life. Yes, I said it, I am a total control freak. I wake up and have every minute of my day planned out. Sometimes I can't roll with the punches. Like, say, if on my only day to myself over Christmas Break, I wake up with a fever and a throat infection. So instead of spray painting my daughter's bed and working on the bathroom, I am lay in bed, thinking about all of the things that I had planned on accomplishing (as I am shivering with fever chills and a pounding headache).
If I could rewind back to that sick day, perhaps I would realize that my body was forcing me to slow down! I would try to sit still. I've heard that taking naps during the day is actually relaxing.... maybe I should have tried to take one? Who knows... but I think that my patterns are becoming unhealthy, and I need to break them, if not for me, than for my daughter, so that I can set a healthy example for Violet.
It is okay if my business does not grow as fast as I want it to, because I know that I am constantly working and trying to learn how to make better decisions. All you can do is your best, right?
It is okay that Nathan and I will need to wait to have more children until he completes his Ph.D. program, no matter how much I desire for my family to grow. I must remind myself that this family is not just me, but Nathan and Violet. What is best for Nathan is for him the room he needs to finish his degree with confidence. And let's be honest, I ADORE the time I get to spend with Miss Violet as mother and child. I will blink and she will be 30! Yikes!
So here's to a new year. 365 days of personal growth. Another day to wake up and strive to be a better version of myself.
I will allow myself to make mistakes. I will push myself to make more friends here in friendly old Arkansas (maybe?). I will cherish the present, but always hold the dream of my family's future in my heart.
2010. My heart is humbly thankful for all that you brought my way.
